Get Less Traffic to Your Website
Tired of having so many visitors to your website every day? Wish there was a way to get rid of all those pesky customers? Ticking off your visitors isn't always easy, but if you really put the time and effort into it, you should have no problem getting them to stop visiting your website for good. Here's our four-point-plan to make your visitors leave and never, ever come back:
1. Make Them Register Again, and Again, and Again
Once a year, your forum users and your comment posters are probably willing to go ahead and register again. When you have them registering again every month, on the other hand, as you switch from one commenting system to another, then they'll be gone soon enough and you'll have the peace and quiet you've been longing for.
2. Don't Let Them Read Anything Without Posting it to Facebook and Twitter
There's nothing like letting everyone everywhere know everything about everyone! Don't even let your visitors read the front page until they've filled out a survey, Liked your page, and voted in your daily poll on subjects that you haven't even given them an opportunity to read about yet. An obnoxious, recurring "squeeze page" will afford you extra peace and quiet.
3. Monetize Every Inch of the Website
Every single square inch of your website that hasn't been sold to an advertiser is just taking up space. Sure, the two banner ads you have are paying server fees just fine, but why not double up? Sure, you'll cut your readership in half, but you'll have twice as many ads, so it evens out! Better yet, add enough pop-ups, pop-unders, and screeching Flash animation to crash Deep Blue. '90s nostalgia is in, baby!
4. Show Off
Did you learn all of those neat Flash, HTML and CSS tricks to not use them at wildly inappropriate times? Of course not! Who cares if the page takes all day to load, is impossible to navigate, looks horrendous, and crashes older computers? You didn't go to school to learn web design just to make efficient, functional templates, did you? If you want a creative talent agency to set you up with great options for web design careers, then you can't afford not to show off, yes?
It may seem like a lot of work to alienate your entire online audience, but if you develop a self-centered, selfish, money-hungry philosophy and apply that to every aspect of what you do on your website, you should be able to cut your base by half, and by half again, in no time.
Now you have the best tools to ensure less traffic to your website!
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